Happy Birthday Half an Orphan 34

When you lose one parent you're halfway to being an orphan. I'm feeling it.

It's Memorial Day. This means I should be at the ready with flowers in my Father's honor.

But what do you do when your Father's remains currently reside with your Stepmother who for reasons unknown to the rest of the free world hasn't spoken to you for nearly 4 months?

I wasn't sure either.

So I picked an arrangement - all sunflowers. I picked this because he was always happy when I took him the heads of the sunflowers I grew in the backyard. He or Stepmom offered them to their parrot.

So I sent the flowers to where his remains reside. I didn't know what to put on the card.

Cause in my mind the card went something like this: I was prepared to lose my Father. I wasn't prepared to lose a friend and confidant. Pound sand. Put these flowers beside his urn. Be sure to continue to blame him, me, and others and/or feel sorry for yourself.

That's pretty bitchy. That's hurt talking.

And if I've learned anything in the 34 short years I've had the pleasure of spending in this world, I've learned unconditional love counts. It's a challenge. Don't allow yourself to speak maliciously from hurt.

Life is too short to be looking back, second guessing, holding a grudge, creating stupid drama. . .

So the card read: Thinking of you on Memorial Day, Love, dL and C

And I sat outside today filling my finch socks full of nyjer seed. . .and I was quiet. . .And the sun felt wonderful. And I felt fulfilled and beautiful.

And I knew my heart had no room for hurt, or bitterness, or malice, or snarkiness.

And I especially realized my Father's memory would best be honored by offering my best self - always.

I'm a work in progress.

So I resolve to work harder, love bigger, give more, pray harder. . .I've been so blessed. . . .

Happy early 34 to me.

As Pop's would proclaim, "I'm still alive!! I'm alive!!" And don't dare ever settle. . .