May 07, 2010

Shuuuuuuuuuuuuuu. . .




Looking out my front window while I wait for the LAST batch of Lemon-Chamomile Shortbread to bake for tomorrow morning's bake sale.

Witness a neighbor across the street in his front upstairs window. He's wearing a gray T shirt with the sleeves cut off. I see him in profile from the waist up. The room is dim. The TV is flickering. He's standing close to the window making odd jerky motions.

I'm intrigued.

I'm picturing another lurid encounter with fornicating neighbors.

Of course I continue to watch.

His movements are curious. His front window is open. I can tell because the curtains stir.

I open our front door. Even across the street I can hear it. . .

Shuuuuuuuuu, Shuuuuuuuu, Shuuuuuuuu. . .

His vocalizations carry across our quiet, narrow, city street.

Shuuuuuuuuu, Shuuuuuuuuu, Shuuuuuuuu. . .

And his movements seem coreographed with his cadence.

I'm mesmerized.

I watch. I listen.

Is this some kind of tantric sex stuff I don't understand?

Suddenly gurgling is audible. And then a tiny little arm offers itself from his profile.

He is comforting a newborn baby. He is shuuuuuuu - ing and rocking a baby.

And suddenly, my perverse curiosity is replaced by a curious longing.

And I am overwhelmed by sentiment.

His movements are suddenly understood as tender, and precious, and beautiful.

His shuuuuuuuuu soothes the empty street.

And I wonder what am I missing?

May 05, 2010

Life is Officially Imitating Art - 'Cept Uglier. . .



If you split the slit in your skirt getting into the car it might be a good idea to get back on the Weight Watchers no? in my defense, the skirt wasn't tight, I just kinda slid into the car in rather ungracefully.

But I had a good 50 minutes in traffic to contemplate the error of my ways. It also afforded me time to formulate a plan for getting into the house without my wardrobe malfunction exposing my Spanx to the entire neighborhood. (Slid the skirt around so it appears the skirt has a side slit. Albeit a slutty bizarro looking side slit but it's better than giving your neighbors a good look at your caboose while you drag in about 35 bags from the craft store.)

And after I figured out the split-slit twist, I had plenty of time to be painfully aware of the extra 20 pounds I'm carrying around. Why do I keep yo-yo-ing the same 15 pounds? Why can't I just be more disciplined? Why can't I get a stomach flu to get me a good head start?

Luckily before I had time to contemplate anything serious, I got a phone call. (Can you believe I had cell reception the entire way through the Fort McHenry tunnel?)

At the present? Sitting here mindlessly eating M&Ms. . .After all, the best diet ever is the one you start tomorrow!