Home ECK Wreck: 2009-05-17

May 23, 2009

Fernando Frog

I love making up stories about art. After I make my little character I make up a story. When I paint or write the story is typically predetermined. Here's Fernando's tale:

Fernando Frog sits on a log
Searching for big kisses
He has no time
For insect valentines
He's looking for his princess
If his appearance you judge
He won't begrudge
Fernando just needs a magical kiss
To turn him into a handsome Prince

ANOTHER TEST

May 22, 2009

Mussels Marinara

Or a least my take on it. I hope to sit for a bit before I start the next round of chores. C was a huge help today with various mundane but important chores.

What's Burning?

Kitchen - d is cooling C PEI Mussels tonight. Preheat oven to "bake" a loaf of bread. Chop onion and garlic.

What is that stench? What is burning? That would be C's tortilla shells from about 3 days ago that are STILL in the oven.

I guess I confessed for him on this one. No major flames - just some charring. We are often mere moments away from a home eck wreck in this joint!

Long Ride Home

Holiday weekend equals commuting misery.

More Confessions. . .

I'm on a roll. . .Every funny shameful, loathe some, potentially mortifying thing. . .It's very very cathartic. . .Here's 10. . .My list is nearly infinite.

1. Above-referenced photo? That was my dinner.

Don't worry Mom - I had a huge salad for lunch and they are rice cakes

2. I once peed on C's foot because he dared me to do it. Yeah, he was pretty shocked and disgusted as well. But he was the fool that dared me to do it.

Sadly, he had not been stung by a sea nettle.

3. I have hand sewn - complete with wardrobes - two "custom action figures" in the likeness of known persons at the request of two of my very dear friends. One had a detachable "penis."

In case you're wondering, I used Velcro.

4. I always wanted to run for public office. I'm pretty sure this blog will dash those hopes.

I mean forcrissakes what kind of person urinates on their husband's foot on a dare and spends time sewing a penis out of jersey knit? (BTW - It's not like JoAnn's just sells a pattern for a 12" stuffed doll sized detachable penis. I had to make that shit myself. I have it in a folder if you'd like a copy see me after I get the copyright - LOL!!!!)

I realize this further begs the question: Who keeps the pattern for something like that? Clearly a deranged "genius" who is planning to corner the market in cross-gender dolls someday. Duh? Hahaha!!!

5. My parents are my best friends.

Maybe not after they read this. They could disown me!!!

6. I think that guy from the "FreeCreditReport.com" commercials - the one always dressed in a ridiculous costume screaming the jingle is oddly intriguing. . .but C need not worry. . .I just wonder if he feels as if he's sold out his artistic abilities and talents for commercial work? Maybe he's in other stuff? I don't watch too much TV or see too many movies.

Nor should I really question. I consider myself an artist and I made a small penis out of T-shirt material and polyfill. (The insanity of that is very humbling)

7. I have never forgiven my Mother for throwing away my "lawyer files" (which consisted of junk mail in pieces of brown construction paper folded to resemble manila folders) while I went to camp for a week in 5th grade.

Does this seem ridiculous? Hell yes. Out of everything a Mother could possibly do to scar her child for life the only thing I can blame my Mom for is throwing away junk mail. She's a really good Mom so I have to stretch for the requisite Mom/Daughter discontent.

8. When I was a little kid, I used to have a stuffed frog that I would put in my dresser drawer. I used to hope he'd turn into a prince while he was in there. . .

9. I still get freaked out looking into a mirror if the room is dark - I'm always afraid I'll see something scary or creepy in it.

Besides my own reflection of course.

10. I've spent an inordinate amount of time following the John and Kate + 8 gossip. I have no idea why. It's like watching a train wreck. . .but I also have all these other feelings about it. That's for another post.

BTW, had someone tell me the other day reading this: It is like watching a train wreck, you can't look away. (They also told me it was "hilarious."). I think the train wreck is accurate - That was part of what I was going for. Hilarious? I aspire to be honest and that in itself can lead to funny. Hilarious is great!

How's this for hilarious? I'm going to try to go to sleep now.

Confessions - The Sound and the Fury

Let's just say this book has caused a few potential problems in my psyche. . .

1. I've attempted to read it 3 times and I don't think I've ever been able to finish it.

2. I say I don't think I've ever been able to finish it because I might have been so drunk one evening I could have finished it but not remembered. . .It was 11 years ago. . .Don't judge. You know you've done it. . .OK maybe not. Probably most of you don't take books with you to a bar.

3. And about the physical copy. . .The one that is STILL on my nightstand (because it's binding matches the color scheme of the room and because - stubborn optimist that I am - I believe someday I will finish that damned book). . .The book came from a library.

I KNOW!!!!! I know it's wrong.

There sits my ill gotten paperback nearly spine to spine with my Bible.

To quote C: "For shame Baby, for shame."

Tired Dog = Happy Good Dog

Tilghman nearly asleep with his toys. I should try to be nearly asleep - early important meeting tomorrow.

Maybe I should try a little more Merton. No disrespect to Merton. I do enjoy his work. It's just that he's sooooo smart and thoughtful and well a Monk. . .It's not like reading Are You There Vodka, It's Me Chelsea or Jen Lancaster.

I find it alarming I do better and enjoy reading the latter more.

I do find it encouraging I can finally fess up to it. As opposed to pretending to like Merton more and feigning smug superiority to anyone who professes undying devotion to Danielle Steele (Tho I've never read her. . .Pinky swear).

I've been doing a lot of "confessing and repenting" this week. . .I'm not done. . .

May 21, 2009

Ummmm Yeah. . .

"We're" back to THIS. I understand to some degree it may have entertainment value. However if you sit there and curse, whine, and moan about how the game is "screwing you" how much fun can that be?

(This from a woman that thinks cutting animal shapes out of paper is entertaining. I understand the irony.)

C: "It is unreal how bad this game is screwing me!!!!!!"

d: Liberally applying glue to the frog, "You're right IT IS NOT REAL!!!!"

d: Internal Monologue Pesimistic - What is real is the laundry needs flipped, there are no linens on our bed, and I'm having a minor house work induced panic attack and you're playing a computer game.

d: Internal Monologue Optimistic - At least you're not trying to a) grope me or b) talk to me

I'm ever the optimist. Thank you video games for making our marriage bliss!

Frog Prince

For my friends Tim and Sonnie's little girl due on July 4th. Every girl needs a frog prince. Not sure I'm lovin' him personally but they always turn out by the end. . .Just like a fairy tale! I just gagged a little while typing that - haha.

May 20, 2009

Allister and Edison

Allister apparently takes issue with Edison's tail. (Or Edison in general).

These Cats Suffer So!

Allister has claimed my reading spot. Oh well, will just have to keep watching 20/20! Hahaha!!

D's Version of Repenting

If you were d and were looking to contemplate the error of your Tuesday night's jolly old time you might do the following:

1. Cook C dinner.

2. Flop all over the floor in an attempt to do several yoga poses. Nearly pee your pants laughing at yourself. Decide the pose where you are flat on you back basically doing nothing ROCKS! Lie there while you regain your composure.

3. Head to the basement to kick computer gaming husband off so you can explore selling your home made junk (errr art) at an online dirt mall. Waste 2 hours setting up free profile but lose all interest when it's time to set up the storefront.

4. Figure out how to get the Blackberry to stop texting in Arabic. - that was rather frustrating.

5. Base coat two small canvases which you will go cross-eyed painting. Mix waaaayyy too much paint for the task. Look for cling wrap to preserve paint. Keep cats off table.

6. Watch some ridiculous 20/20 on We involving murders and psychics.

7. Mildly loathe self for being unproductive and tear yourself away from We worthless but oh-so entertaining programming to read Merton - which will no doubt put you right to sleep!

Has this helped you contemplate the error of your ways? Me either!

Confession. . .

I might have hit the sauce on a TUEDSAY. I also might have thought it advisable to got to classmates.com.

This is exactly why if you can't be a good example you should serve as a horrible warning.

I am clearly pushing the bounds of cyber-don'ts. . .

It's not that bad. . .Really. . .I only downloaded one song from iTunes. . .I didn't lose any pets. . .I still haven't lost much sleep. . .

I'd like to blame it on watching the missile launch from Wallops Island - (yes we can see it if the sky is perfect - southeast sky). . .Not so much. . .

I have no excuse. . .Isn't that the BEST?!!

Don't waste your life. . .Don't lose your life. . Love living your life. . .Don't ever take it for granted.