More Confessions. . .

I'm on a roll. . .Every funny shameful, loathe some, potentially mortifying thing. . .It's very very cathartic. . .Here's 10. . .My list is nearly infinite.

1. Above-referenced photo? That was my dinner.

Don't worry Mom - I had a huge salad for lunch and they are rice cakes

2. I once peed on C's foot because he dared me to do it. Yeah, he was pretty shocked and disgusted as well. But he was the fool that dared me to do it.

Sadly, he had not been stung by a sea nettle.

3. I have hand sewn - complete with wardrobes - two "custom action figures" in the likeness of known persons at the request of two of my very dear friends. One had a detachable "penis."

In case you're wondering, I used Velcro.

4. I always wanted to run for public office. I'm pretty sure this blog will dash those hopes.

I mean forcrissakes what kind of person urinates on their husband's foot on a dare and spends time sewing a penis out of jersey knit? (BTW - It's not like JoAnn's just sells a pattern for a 12" stuffed doll sized detachable penis. I had to make that shit myself. I have it in a folder if you'd like a copy see me after I get the copyright - LOL!!!!)

I realize this further begs the question: Who keeps the pattern for something like that? Clearly a deranged "genius" who is planning to corner the market in cross-gender dolls someday. Duh? Hahaha!!!

5. My parents are my best friends.

Maybe not after they read this. They could disown me!!!

6. I think that guy from the "FreeCreditReport.com" commercials - the one always dressed in a ridiculous costume screaming the jingle is oddly intriguing. . .but C need not worry. . .I just wonder if he feels as if he's sold out his artistic abilities and talents for commercial work? Maybe he's in other stuff? I don't watch too much TV or see too many movies.

Nor should I really question. I consider myself an artist and I made a small penis out of T-shirt material and polyfill. (The insanity of that is very humbling)

7. I have never forgiven my Mother for throwing away my "lawyer files" (which consisted of junk mail in pieces of brown construction paper folded to resemble manila folders) while I went to camp for a week in 5th grade.

Does this seem ridiculous? Hell yes. Out of everything a Mother could possibly do to scar her child for life the only thing I can blame my Mom for is throwing away junk mail. She's a really good Mom so I have to stretch for the requisite Mom/Daughter discontent.

8. When I was a little kid, I used to have a stuffed frog that I would put in my dresser drawer. I used to hope he'd turn into a prince while he was in there. . .

9. I still get freaked out looking into a mirror if the room is dark - I'm always afraid I'll see something scary or creepy in it.

Besides my own reflection of course.

10. I've spent an inordinate amount of time following the John and Kate + 8 gossip. I have no idea why. It's like watching a train wreck. . .but I also have all these other feelings about it. That's for another post.

BTW, had someone tell me the other day reading this: It is like watching a train wreck, you can't look away. (They also told me it was "hilarious."). I think the train wreck is accurate - That was part of what I was going for. Hilarious? I aspire to be honest and that in itself can lead to funny. Hilarious is great!

How's this for hilarious? I'm going to try to go to sleep now.