Groceries

I've noticed there's quite a distinction with regard to the way males and females grocery shop. Women seem to be inherently better at seeking out the necessary items and they seem to intuitively know better where said items are located in the store.

Dedicated C, has frequently offered to do the shopping while I do other things. I appreciate this because I hate the logistics of put in the cart, take out of the cart, put on the little conveyor belt, put in bags, put bags in cart, take bags out of cart and place in car, take bags out of car into house, take out of bags and put away. . .BLAH!!

However, I have occasionally accused him of being less than diligent with regard to procuring the items on the list.

He has adamantly denied this accusation.

And I believe him.

Yet, I still have this visceral feeling that I should be procuring the groceries or at least be present to over-see the process. I plan the meals. I'll know of an acceptable ingredient substitute. . .I'm clearly a control freak. . .

This evening when he offered to go to the store so we could do something fun tomorrow, I agreed. I made a very careful list and sent him on his way.

He returns a little more than an hour later. He announces there are 3 items they didn't have and he made the store employees initial the list to certify the items weren't in stock!

Am I that much of a shrew that he feels it necessary to get nearly an affidavit from the grocer?

I look at the list. . .Ding dong wrote the initials in himself.

He still swears they were out of scallions. . .hmmmmmmm. . . .

Changes, Challenges, Potential, and Possibility

Last night C and I were walking on the waterfront promenade between Canton and Fells as we often do. The sky was clear. The crescent moon was crisp and glorious. The water was high and calm. A heron watched little fish jump in the moonlight at the mouth of the Jones Falls.

It was seasonably warm but around my (typically sock-less) ankles I could feel an intermittent undercurrent of cool air. It swirled around akin to if one was standing in a pounding surf and the water eddies around the ankles as the waves recede. I'd feel small swirling breezes here and there as we walked. . .

Magic? Imagination? Change?

I've decided it's change. Not just change in the weather. Change nipping at my ankles. Change urging me forward. Change offering possibilities.

I think it's as fleeting as the breeze. It can be as elusive as the sand slipping away from your toes in the surf. I'm going to grasp what I can. I'm going to dig in my toes and feel the exhilaration and unpredictability of change ebb and flow. I want to feel it's brisk unforgiving nature as well as it's soft gentle laps.

After all, I have changed. I will continue to change, evolve. Just as transformative as the wind and water are to our landscape, change is weathering me into something less sharp and less ragged (and I'm not talking about my plumpness). If I were the Rockies in my 20s, I'm becoming more like the Appalachians in my 30s. I quite like it.

No longer do I feel the desire to have a business card with an important sounding title. No longer do I fixate on the latest fashion accessories. No longer do I care to have a "better" car, TV, or house.

I've changed and I've grown and I've learned and understood possibly more this past year than even in my first year of life. I'm not done. I'm having too much fun.

What's all this pontificating? Why has d reverted to bizarre philosophy? Can't we just go back to the Mulva art you ask?

Of course we will. . .All work at change and no fun at old pursuits surely makes d a complete freak.

Asked and Answered

Apparently Prince Allister is too good to get his cat nip on the floor like the other kitties.

I'm preparing to vacuum the table.

Seriously. . .C's infatuation with this cat is astounding.

Riddle Me This

Why does it look lile Cheech and Chong spent all afternoon in my basement?

Today's WTF?

My friend L never fails to disappoint with her entertaining and amusing stories and "news."  Yesterday she came into my office to report she heard about this store on  Etsy.com while she was listening to the radio. 

Aside - Etsy is awesome.  You can get all kinds of quality hand-made arts and crafts.  Never in my wildest dreams could I have guessed this creative.

Soooo. . .at this particular store you can order custom jewelry that looks like female anatomy.  (Let's just suffice to say the parts rhyme with um. . .Delores and Mulva).  We discussed how bizarre this must be.  Let's face it, if the Lord or natural selection intended those parts to be viewed by the general public don't you think they would be a little more prominent on the upper torso - say on your face or something?

I had nearly forgotten all about it. . .Until I got a text this evening. 

L:  Omg.  Put in vulva to esty and so much vag comes up.  It is freaky shit.
d:  Yikes!  Just got done walking.  Def will check out soon.  I guess it's more than jewelry?  Did u try penis?
L:  It is mostly jewelry.  A lot of necklaces.  I wll penis next.  This would be a good blog topic.
d:  Ur right.  Thanks for the tip!
L:  Ha tip.  Get it?

With an endorsement like "It is freaky shit."  I had to see for myself.  Let's suffice it to say, this is not an artistic stylized rendition of said anatomy.  It is quite literal and graphic. 

The pitch for the product starts out "Celebrate your own beauty."  Couldn't one just celebrate privately?  Why would you have to advertise this beauty around your neck on a chain?! 

The pitch continues:  "After purchasing you can e-mail 2-3 photos of your Yoni to: [email deleted]. Please include chain choice: Antique copper or gunmetal."

So let me get this straight.  If you want a necklace in the likeness of your nether region (or "Yoni" according to the artist) you need to email pics?

Aside:  I suppose the word "custom" should have indicated to me that somehow the artist would need to see the genuine article.

Am I a prude?  Is nothing sacred? Am I the only one that takes issue with this?  I've said this before and I'm saying it again:  I totally embrace your first amendment freedoms to do just about anything (legal) you damned well please in the name of self expression but in this case, do you have to be so literal about it?

Where would you wear this jewelry exactly?  It's not like you could wear it anywhere like, say, a classic strand of pearls.   

I'm beside myself.  I suppose I could be (nearly) literally if I had one of these necklaces.  (ECK!!!!)

I checked out a few other items in the store.  This one made me laugh out loud:  "Roughly two C. Vaginal Dinnerware."

Yup.  Here is this very lovely ceremic creamer pitcher - snow white, beautiful in it's simplicity with "two off-center inky black Vaginae."  WHY?!!!  For the love of  little baby Jesus, WHY!!!??

I can picutre it now: 

d:  Would you like coffee?
Guest:  That would be lovely, thank you.
d:  Do you take sugar or (picking up lovely creamer) VAGINA with your coffee?
Guest:  Falls off her chair and spits coffee all over creation, never to visit again.

Dear Blog #2 and Another Lifestyle Challenge?!

Dear Blog,

1.  C convinced me to watch the movie Marley and Me this evening.  The movie was very well done but seldom does a movie beat the book and this was no exception.  Second of all, having 2 labs very near and dear to my heart and one likely not too much longer for this world, it was postively gut wrenching.  So here I sit sniffling.  It is not becoming.

2.  Noticed the across the alley neighbors' blinds are open this evening but their lights aren't on.  Whew.  It was shaping up to be a long boring winter without being able to stare across the alley into their windows!

3.  Gave some more thought to whether I was productively using my time while I'm at home and I've decided I could be more disciplined.  Hence, "the schedule."  I think I've aimed waaaaayyyy too high with regard to my AM ambitions.  It only involves hitting snooze for a total of fifteen minutes.  Currently, I hit snooze every five minutes for nearly 1 hour.  I'm not a morning person.  We'll see.  I'm determined to be in bed asleep by close to midnight this evening. 

4.  Have a few relatively interesting thoughts but need to get them in order.  Until then, you're stuck being as bored with my life as I am!  hahaha.

Test

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T

Dear Blog,

I know it's been a few days since I've written. So many things of so little value. . .

1. I'm back on Weight Watchers. For real this time. Come on. I MEAN IT!! I am still convinced I'm just 12 consecutive stomach flu's away from my goal weight but I can't count on that to come through for me in time to get my blood pressure back to a normal level.

Note: This elevated blood pressure issue has been haunting me for about 5 years now. Every time I see that cuff come out, I am overcome by test taking and doctor panic and the readings come out all crazy.

That being said, why chance it? A doc I recently went to visit very kindly pointed out that while I'm not too overweight, it would be beneficial "at my age" to take these things a little more seriously.

We'll just see how long this will last. I'm guessing at the first mention of happy hour later this week?

2. I've spent the better part of an hour staring at my "across the alley neighbor's" upstairs windows. They have their shades drawn. This is highly unusual, hence highly suspect. I can just see movement towards the bottom of the windows. It would appear there are three people in the back room. This has lead to all sorts of conjecture on my part.

Are they having a bizarre sexual encounter?

Are they torturing someone?

Are they plotting some super secret mission?

Who the eff told them they could shut their blinds? I stare at them for hours each night (not continuously mind you. . .but still). I've been doing this since they moved in about 5 or 6 years ago. WTF am I supposed to do now? I'm hoping this is not a permanent situation.

3. Reading The Informant. Excellent read. I only took a break this evening to catch up on the 15 magazines that have collected in the past few days. I would highly recommend it.

4. Giving thoughts to what I could do if my mornings and evenings were more structured. How much more structured can a woman with a household chore spreadsheet and pantry inventory lists get you ask? I'm not sure.

Is doing more better? What if I made sure I was doing more creative and enjoyable things?

Hmmmmm. . .Maybe we best get through the 6 month no shopping lifestyle challenge first? Few calories, no shopping, and too much structure? Could that send d straight to Shepherd Pratt?!

Happy Happy Part deux

FLASH BACK: Barbie Pink clad d drags mildly hungover C through the Bellagio casino. . .I added the "sign" regarding the Luck O Irish, because C had recently seen (45 times) Dodgeball and he wanted to believe the sign existed in Vegas!

Yes, I married him anyway.

Happy Happy

Four years of marriage. . .Nearly ten total. We're both still alive?

Sister T mocked me for making a card - said they were a dollar at the dollar store.

I love my husband and Ill make him a card if I please.