I LIVED but it was touch and go a couple of times!

Very kind lady leads me to my locker and says I can disrobe to a level I feel comfortable. (Mental image of C taking off his shoes only) When I was ready I could head to the "relaxation room."

Soon a nice young man named Joe came to fetch me from the room. Joe seemed really kind. I'm still freaked.

He leads me to a room that reeks of essential oils and is as dark as a cave. I know this is to feel zen but it feels kinda hot and suffocating.

C and I are seated where we start with a scalp massage. Ugh. I have very curly hair. I've been running around in the rain for two days. Last night I teased the crown while dressing for dinner. My hair is piled on my head and is in the elementary stages of dreadlocks. Somehow Joe manages to massage my scalp. It makes a strange and annoying swishing sound. He rubs my neck a little. I wonder about what I should tip.

Next? Hands. He asks me to relax my hands. Twice. I explain to him I'm pretty lousy at relaxing. He reassures me as he gnashes his knuckles into my palm.

Feet are next. I have these vexing cracked heels. I immediately feel horrible that he will be touching them. I lean back and close my eyes. He starts with an exfoliating scrub. I worry about why I can't relax and why I'm not enjoying this. Again Joe kindly asks me to try to relax.

I try. I try to imagine I'm a limp fish. This creates a mental image of fish out of water and I feel short of breath. He's working hard on this really annoying rough patch on my ankle. I've been fighting with this spot for months so I figure the whole thing would be worth it if he can vanquish it. I also wonder if they get stiff sitting on the floor rubbing people's feet all day long.

We finish with the seated part. I sneak a peek at my watch. That took 40 minutes.

Joe and C's masseuse Chrissy explain the next part and leave the room so we can lie down on the tables. I come to the conclusion that I'm not necessarily uncomfortable with the touching part, I just can't relax. I'm not sure what to think about this. I've suspected this was the case.

I get on the table. It's hot. That disgusts me for some reason. I suspect C loves the pre-warmed bed.

I attempt to put my face in the little head rest. It's uncomfortable - extremely uncomfortable. My heart palpitates a little. I don't want to let Joe down since he seems to be very conscientious.

Joe wisely senses my discomfort. He adjusts the table and asks me to put my arms at my side. My cheeks feel squished. I envision a cabbage patch kid. I feel my heart twitching. My arms feel uncomfortable but I'm afraid to move since Joe has started to aggressively attack the tension in my neck.

This seems to go on for quite some time. My mind races. I try to focus on the bizarre music but instead wonder how strong a massage therapist hand's must be. I wonder what C is thinking. I wonder what Ill eat for dinner.

I wonder why in the eff this hurts so bad? I flinch. The more he massages the more I can feel my reaction is to tense up. Surely he realizes this. I wonder what he thinks. I try to focus on the floor through the headrest.

Finally we get to roll over. Joe places a warm towel beneath my neck and something under my knees. I keep my eyes closed as he massages my face. I am extremely hot and I cringe thinking about how that oil might irritate my skin.

I know he's going a good job and I feel bad that I'm finding zero pleasure in it. He does my arms. He does the legs. I lie there thinking how if I had a toe tag I could be in a drawer at the morgue.

Suddenly there is a toewl over my eyes. That wigs me out in a claustrophobic way. I try to remind myself that I could take the towel off my face. Its not a big deal. I worry about being kidnapped and having something put over my face. Ugh.

Finally its over!! And. . .

C sits up and says "I think I dozed off for a little while."

Sent via BlackBerry by AT&T