Learning from Loss

Earlier this week my manager and I were discussing another employee and the manager said "I don't think he knows what he wants to be when he grows up yet."

Pfft. Me either I thought. I felt a little embarrassed to think such a thought. Oy, after all my education and support and student loans, I'm still not sure?

Is that possible? Is that permissible?

Last night as I attempted to sleep, I experienced one of my few lifetime moments of true self actualization or quiet clarity or whatever a shrink/cleric would call it:

My Father validated and encouraged everything I ever wanted, did, or could dare dream - in the most enthusiastic way humanly possible.

And I responded, reciprocated, and rallied.

We were a "built for comfort not for speed" (as he liked to say), salt of the earth, try like hell, work harder, lovin' life, work in progress, story tellin' duo, pieces of work.

And now that he's gone. . .Often it feels as if half the piece is missing. . .Lonely.

Who am I?

I guess part of the beauty of remembering and honoring him is I can be "anything I want to be."

I can do it too. This piece of work will rally. Little Miss Magic will figure out what she's gonna' be. . .

Or she'll just be. And maybe that's okay too. . .

Thanks Pops! 12/19/09